I first visited China 8 years ago. I came for a 3-day, 2-night trip to Shanghai to go to Disney with a friend. The impression I had of China throughout those three days was that people had 'bad manners,' and frankly, it wasn't a good one. Although it was my fourth time abroad, the feeling of fatigue outweighed the enjoyment, and I returned to Japan thinking I would never come to China again. However, five years later, I met my Chinese husband, and through four subsequent short visits, my impression of China changed, I realized its charm, and I ended up staying short-term in Shanghai.

My husband is from Harbin, Heilongjiang Province. Since his first visit to Japan as a child, he has grown up in an environment where he frequently travels between Japan and China. Therefore, he is a native speaker of both Japanese and Chinese, and can also switch his way of thinking and values to align with both countries. In other words, when he is in Japan, he is Japanese, and when he is in China, he is Chinese. Because he is such a flexible husband, even when we talk together, I have never felt any of the 'differences in national values' that are common among international couples.

And as I gained more experience visiting China with my husband, my own image of China gradually changed. As I wrote at the beginning, I had a strong impression of China as having 'bad manners' until I met my husband, but as I came into contact with Chinese culture, I learned that etiquette and manners were highly valued, for example, through the teachings of Confucianism. Looking back at the history between Japan and China, there's a history of Japan learning and adopting political systems, technology, and various cultures from China since the Sui and Tang dynasties. Despite this, I began to wonder why it has now become a country that is perceived as having 'bad manners'.

I believe there are various factors, such as its large population and wealth disparity, but as I researched on my own, I found that past political policies might have had a significant influence. Once I understood such negative historical backgrounds and reconsidered, I began to feel that if it was an internal matter within China, it might be unavoidable. Instead of having a prejudice against 'bad manners' based on the yardstick of my own culture, I turned it into curiosity about why such a culture exists, and by researching on my own, my perception of China changed. (※Of course, there are also Chinese people with good manners.)

Furthermore, something that surprised me as I gained more experience visiting China was that there are many Chinese people who have a good impression of Japan. If you only look at Japanese news reports, it often seems to portray a negative image, as if Chinese people dislike Japan. I am often asked by acquaintances around me, 'Is China really safe?' However, when I actually went to China, I had many experiences of being treated kindly because I am Japanese: shopkeepers would casually greet me with, 'Japanese girl? Hello,' and when I rented a house in Shanghai, the landlord lowered the rent because I was Japanese (assuming I would keep it clean). Additionally, through my husband's and my work, I have interacted with various Chinese people outside of our relatives, and I never encountered any hostility; on the contrary, everyone I met harbored friendly feelings toward Japan.

While anti-Japanese Chinese people are often featured in Japanese news reports, it's important not to misunderstand that not all Chinese citizens are like that. As a country with 1.4 billion people, it's natural for there to be people with various ways of thinking, and isn't that true for any country? It makes me very sad to see people on social media aggressively criticizing China, lumping all ethnic groups together without ever having interacted with them. I believe that making judgments based on stereotypes about countries or ethnic groups is a dangerous way of thinking that narrows one's perspective and makes peace more distant.

Finally, I'd like to share one aspect of China's charm that I experienced. Within China, besides Shanghai, I also visited Harbin, my husband's hometown, and Chengdu, a city in Sichuan Province. Interestingly, within China, the scenery, ethnic groups, languages, and cuisine differ completely depending on the region. Since Harbin is near the Russian border, you can see a strong influence of Russian culture in its European-style architecture and the facial features of the Russian-Chinese people walking along the streets; and in Chengdu, though I can't say for sure if it's due to the local characteristics, climate, or food, I felt that both men and women were generally smaller in stature than in Shanghai. I also saw Tibetan people, and although they are also Chinese, their facial features and atmosphere were different, dressed in their traditional ethnic costumes. I believe that being able to experience the feeling of being in a foreign country within its own borders is a unique charm of China, a multi-ethnic nation with vast land.

By meeting my husband and gaining a deeper understanding of China's people and culture than before, I believe my perspective and thinking have expanded slightly. The time I spent in China was a very stimulating and valuable experience for me. If there are people who, like my past self, do not have a good image of China, I would be happy if the episodes I've written could provide an opportunity for their impression of China to change even a little.

■Original Title: My Impression of China Changed After Meeting My Chinese Husband

■Author Profile: Yumiko Ryumatsubara, Kindergarten Teacher

After graduating from junior college, she worked in early childhood education at a kindergarten for 8 years. She retired upon marriage, but following her move to Shanghai a year later, she now works at a Japanese-affiliated daycare center in Shanghai.

※This text is reprinted from the 8th Unforgettable China Stay Episode "The Real China Seen Through the Lens" (edited by Duan Yuezhong, Japan-China Communication Society, 2025). The expressions in the text are basically as they appeared in the original. The essay is published with the permission of Japan-China Communication Society.